just a reason or two

this is out there for anyone that actually reads my blog,
i know, this blog is heaps morbid and confusing and some people might think what's the deal with this guy please, well i dont blame you to think less of me or not know what to think of me after reading the stuff put up here, the simple fact of this blog is it's intention was never for your personal enjoyment. I made this blog because there was a time in my life when i felt totally fake, very lonely, angry, confused, bitter and afraid. There were days when i would treat others with such ugly behavior and feel so cold inside, there are days when my frustration at the lost opportunities that i had in the past eat me inside. I was living this way in my private life without anyone knowing and that choice in lifestyle is both unhealthy and destructive.
so i made this blog as a window to vent all the built up emotions i has suppressed also, so that i could feel that people had the chance to know me for who i really am and not the happy la-di-dah person that is so easy to like, not that i was all fake mind you my two main feelings toward life were set apart by a very fine line and usually i could choose which state of mind was appropriate for the occasion.
anyway these are all past tense, for the past few months i have realised the joy and peace that life has to offer, basically all of my self-esteem healing is due to the mighty power of God and his love for me, I would still be trapped inside like i was a few months ago if it wernt for Him, he has set me free and plans wonderful things for my life. And using this blog as a vent helped me to fully let go of the things i was holding on to so tightly.
I apologise if i don't post much more in this blog, I don't need it nearly as much as i used to, and i hopefully will be creating new blogs that i can promise you will be brighter,
never-the-less if i happen to write some more poetry that i see as morbid i may post them here.
anyways just letting you what this thing is all bout, any questions ask me in person haha ...if you dare! :P :) xx